I thought that I had kind of beaten my issues, but when you struggle with depression or anxiety or anything else, you never really win. You always carry it with you and the point, I learned, isn’t to win. The point is to keep fighting. It turned out that “I’m not sad anymore” wasn’t a victory speech. It was a battle cry.Dan “Soupy” Campbell (via folk-yeah)
"Every day since, you have felt the tension in the air between your bodies. It is as though the words “You lied to me” linger delicately in the space between you, which seems to grow every second.
When you look at them, you do not think about anything but the lips that have touched theirs, the ones that are not your own. You ask yourself: Did they like it? More? Did they have to lean down to meet the other person’s lips, were they tall enough, did they not have to stand on the tips of their toes to meet the embrace? Did they like it better that way? You know they will assure you of the opposite. You know it will be hard for you to accept it, but ultimately you will, because you see no other choice. Maybe it becomes easier to accept the lies of the ones you love.
When you sit on the train together, lightly resting your head on their shoulder, you close your eyes but do not dare sleep. Every second you are not in conscious is a second they could be thinking of someone else, or more than one other person, and you would not be aware. Every second in consciousness is also the same, and you are not sure which state you prefer. You wonder if they are thinking of someone else at this very moment. You wonder what they will be thinking about when you rest next to each other in bed tonight. Will they be thinking about the truths they have not told you, or the lies that have already left their mouth?
You know he knows that if they mess up again, it will be over. You also know that this is the exact reason that you will never know if they make another mistake. You wonder if this is a reality you will make yourself accept.
Before you can stop it, your brain fast-forwards uncontrollably. You think about your future together, a concept so intangible but which you so desperately hope you still have. Together. And you wonder if, even then, you will doubt their words when they tell you they loves you. You think about the rate of divorce, and swear that will never happen to you. You worry. You love them, but you wonder if love has been or ever will be enough.
But suddenly, your thoughts settle, if only for a moment. You know there is no one else, not for you.”
We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
Remember to forget
Love and its effects